Even the coolest of the cool cannot escape the occasional social faux pas. Whether it’s putting your foot in your mouth at a dinner party, tripping in public and spilling coffee on yourself, or screwing something up at work, we all mess up from time to time. The good news is that every mistake is an opportunity to recover. This begs the question: What’s the best way to react when you’ve made a mistake?
Historically, people have thought that the best way to respond to a mistake is to express honest embarrassment. Feeling sheepish about your mistake is a great way to show others that you understand social norms and simply fell a bit short on this occasion. You blush, cast your eyes downward, and whisper a small “My bad” or “Sorry about that,” with a shrug of your shoulders.
What’s the best way to respond to making a public mistake?
However, research shows that the best way to recover after screwing up publicly is to laugh at yourself. A new study from the Cornell University SC Johnson School of Business involving 3,000 participants found that laughing at yourself can make you more likable than showing embarrassment.
“Our findings suggest that people often overestimate how harshly others judge their minor social mistakes,” said study co-author Övül Sezer, PhD, of the Cornell University SC Johnson School of Business, according to Neuroscience News. “For minor, harmless blunders, laughing at yourself can signal social confidence, reduce tension, and communicate that the mistake was accidental.”
Why is it better to laugh at yourself than to show embarrassment?
Laughing at yourself shows that you are socially confident and downplays the mistake in others’ eyes. Plus, people who can laugh at themselves are seen as warmer and more competent. The humor serves as a “reset button,” de-escalating the collective feeling of awkwardness.
On the other hand, when people appear embarrassed and apologetic after a mistake, others often see their reaction as excessive. This can come across as inauthentic or socially awkward. Often, people exaggerate their level of embarrassment to show that they understand what they did was inappropriate. Ironically, in trying to take the sting out of a cringeworthy moment by appearing embarrassed, they actually end up looking more awkward.
“What’s interesting is that embarrassment was often perceived as excessive,” Sezer said. “Observers tended to think that actors who displayed embarrassment were feeling more embarrassed than the situation warranted, while laughing signaled that they recognized the mistake was minor.”
Beyond the social situation itself, feeling embarrassed can be bad for our mental health.
“Some people can shake off their embarrassment when they make a mistake or violate a social norm,” Psychology Today noted. “Others who fear the disapproval of the group might be consumed by shame.”
The researchers added an important caveat to their results: If you are going to laugh off an embarrassing moment, it must be harmless. If your actions hurt someone, laughing things off can backfire in a big way, making you appear selfish and uncaring. “What’s important is calibrating the reaction to the seriousness of the mistake,” Sezer said.
We’re all bound to make a mistake from time to time. The good news is that every mistake presents an opportunity to recover and potentially make ourselves look even better than before. The key is to give your ego a rest and have a big laugh at your own expense. Most likely, people will find you more likable because you had the confidence to let your guard down.
